This season of “The Bachelor” may be emphasizing Colton Underwood’s virginity, but the drama on tonight’s episode was anything but innocent.
This episode had everything: a pivotal kiss, literal (and figurative!) fireworks, teary eyes, a dramatic exit, an outside shower, Shakespearean-level misunderstandings and, well, just a whole lot of confusion.
Kiss the girl
Never-been-kissed Heather locks down the first one-on-one date of the episode. But will she lock down a smooch from Colton? (Spoiler alert: YES, finally.) The two spend an achingly long time together before that important moment, first on a boat and then exploring a floating city. The show can’t help but pan to shots of the two eating, leaving viewers glued to unbearable mouth-centric tension. And it doesn’t stop there: “Do you blow kisses?” he asks Heather at one point as they cheekily blow kisses to nearby monkeys.
Things take a turn for the serious when Colton asks Heather about her past relationships, and she reveals she was with someone for eight months and never kissed him. Colton’s concerned about that “moment” and doesn’t want to waste her time. Still, he gives her the coveted rose.
But once the two escape to the beach and are clutching each other close − and with a little help from some dazzling fireworks that definitely were not planned at all − he leans in and kisses her.
Her title card now reads “has been kissed,” accordingly.
Elyse, we hardly knew ye
Heather returns from her date and starts spilling, and everyone is happy for her … except Elyse, who’s curled her hair and put on a beautiful dress. (We saw her get upset earlier in the episode, wanting validation from Colton after their one-on-one.) She awkwardly walks out mid-conversation and goes to see … Colton!
She’s a refreshingly rational person (think Peter from Rachel’s season) who wants “the time and attention that a relationship deserves,” i.e. she can’t accept his proposal after sharing all this time and attention with other people. Colton tries to assuage her worries − it’s “not about competing,” he says, though to be clear this is a competition − but it’s not enough to get her to stay.